Humor as a Social Tool: Difference in Usage between Men and Women

Both men and women use humor as a social tool. Among other things, humor helps to ease social awkwardness, form friendships, and find common ground between people. It can be used to assess the atmosphere of a place or group, diffuse tension, or cheer someone up. Humor is also used to make oneself more attractive to others. Both men and women say that they find humor an attractive trait in friends and significant others. This is evidenced by numerous studies, most notably a recent report by Scott Barry Kaufman and others entitled “The Role of Creativity and Humor in Human Mate Selection.” As Kaufman states, “research has confirmed that a good sense of humor is an important human mate preference worldwide.”

Interestingly enough, however, women are more likely than men to say that humor is an important trait in a partner. This may be because of the stereotype that we’ve explored earlier, namely, the idea that women aren’t funny. Furthermore, according to some, describing a woman as funny is akin to describing someone as having a “great personality” – it means that they are unattractive. In the words of Joan Rivers, “There was never a funny woman who was a beautiful little girl.” *

In addition to differences in how humor affects our choice of partner, however, men and women also use humor differently in social situations. For example, women are more likely to use and enjoy self-deprecating humor than are men, perhaps because of different social bonds between female friend groups and male friend groups. Some women are preoccupied with appearing modest, which I believe is tied to the prevalence of self-deprecating humor in female circles.

Women and men enjoy different humor, tell different types of jokes, and use humor in different ways. While there are key similarities between the way humor affects and is used by men and women, gender roles, and, arguably, gender itself, has clearly had a strong impact on how men and women interact with humor.

* This isn’t true, however it demonstrates a prevalent stereotype.